Physical Pain

I’m feeling a lot better mentally today, which is nice because the pain in my body seems determined to make up for it.

The flare-up I’ve been dealing with is getting worse. Yesterday it was probably around a four. Today it woke up closer to an eight.

I’ve been taking BC Powder the past few days to try and keep it manageable. Sometimes it helps quite a bit. Sometimes it doesn’t seem to touch it at all. I’m hoping it knocks it back down some today because it’s getting hard to ignore.

The thing that makes it frustrating is that I’ve been through the whole process before. I’ve gone to doctors. I’ve had tests. I’ve had bloodwork. I’ve been checked for just about everything they could think of. As far as anyone can tell, I’m healthy.

And yet every now and then this shows up.

It’s mostly an upper body pain. Not a sharp injury kind of pain. More like my body just decides it would like to ache everywhere at once. My jaw, neck, back, arms, hands, fingers. Everything feels heavy and sore and exhausted. And sometimes there is a sharp pain in one area that is more pronounced than the rest of the parts.

I don’t really know what causes the flare-ups.

The weird thing is that I’d still take this over the mental anguish.

The physical pain isn’t fun. It wears me down. It makes simple things harder. But it doesn’t have the same hopelessness attached to it. It doesn’t consume every thought. It doesn’t make the world feel smaller.

So while I’d obviously prefer to feel good both mentally and physically, if the universe is offering me one at a time, I’ll take the mental relief and deal with the aching.